Why the Patriots Didn’t Win the Super Bowl

10. Wes Welker’s mustache got in the way when he tried to catch the ball.

 

9. Brady had Madonna’s Vogue stuck in his head for the entire second half

8. Brady was trying to stick it to Peyton – Your little brother, who has lived in your shadow his whole life, now has 2 Super Bowl rings. How many do you have?

7. Brady didn’t want to have to go to Disney World after the season ended. He prefers to vacation in classier places like Rio and the Mayan Riviera.

 

6. Gronkowski’s ankle sprain wasn’t going to make as dramatic a story as Curt Schilling’s bloody sock during the World Series.

 

5. The Patriots were too motivated by the Dodge halftime commercial – they were all focused on saving our nation, not winning a football game.

 

4. Gisele – always blame Gisele

3. Hernandez spent too much time rehearsing his touchdown dance (which was pretty awesome) and not enough time studying the play book.

 

2. Tebow – the Patriots used up all of their good plays in order to shut this kid up. You’re welcome world.

1. We didn’t bring our A game. Plain and simple. No excuses.