My Deprived Childhood

Growing up I spent my weekends at soccer games, hanging out at the Bedford Bluffs (our swim and tennis club), at swim meets and skiing up in Maine at Sugarloaf Mountain. My parents kept Abby and I busy and I never felt like I had really missed out on anything in my childhood.

That is, until now.

Right now I am sitting in my apartment watching tv. Here are some of the comments from the show I am watching that have made it painfully obvious that I missed out on a lot growing up.

“We started spray tanning her when she was 11 months old.”I am sad to report that I got my first spray tan ever THIS year. I missed out on 27 years of bronzed skin.


“Popular kids aren’t ugly. The kids that are pretty get recognized sooner. You know, like in red rover, red rover. Well I want her to be my girlfriend, so I am going to call her to be on my team. It is nothing that I can change – it is just the way of the world.”
I thought that you just had to run fast to be good at Red Rover… wish I knew you just had to be pretty. It would have saved me a lot of effort.


“I get my groove on, get my pedicure on, get my twinkle toes shined up” (this was said by a father)
My father has never gotten a pedicure with me. No wonder we have such a strained father-daughter relationship.



“Do you want sparkle baby eyes?”
Umm, yes! I don’t even know what those are but I know that I want them. If only I had been asked…


“She didn’t do so good… Maybe everyone else will just mess up really bad and then we’ll be good.”
Now I am not sure about this one. I know my parents certainly supported me, especially in swimming. So maybe my parents did say this after I competed in my swim races. I can only hope!


“The screaming and the hitting… I don’t really get embarrassed when my daughter does it only because she is still little and it is still kinda cutesy when she does it… She does it to show the other kids and the moms that she is dominant.”
My parents told me that yelling at them, screaming and hitting wasn’t appropriate. And so ended my world domination.


So thank you Toddlers & Tiaras for making it painfully obviously that I had a deprived childhood. Mom and Dad, I think you have a lot to make up for… and I will start with unlimited spray tans for the next 10 years.

2 thoughts on “My Deprived Childhood

  1. deprived childhood?! at least i monitored what you watched on tv so you weren’t watching stupid shows – shame on you!!!!

  2. Man, I’m so jealous! We’ve got nothing like this in Ireland. The nearest thing to it is Irish dancing contests (which isn’t really the same. And contestants have to be able to dance) and First Holy Communion (which a girl can only have once).

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